Prayers Please

As I am sitting in here in a plaza in the Casa de Campo Marina, I am aware of how blessed I am. At the end of January I left Peter and the kids in Puerto Rico and flew to Pittsburgh to be with my mom and dad. My dad was admitted to the hospital on January 11th due to complications from his chemo on November 13th. During this period he had lost 35 pounds and was barely able to attend to the daily tasks of self care. He was discharge on January 26th and was able to share a drink with Mom to celebrate their 49th anniversary on the 27th. It was a very special moment for me to witness.

As I write this Dad is still struggling. He needs 24/7 care because he is too weak to get out of bed, to dress himself and to even do the crossword puzzle! When I was with Mom and Dad, I was able to bear witness to his struggle of figuring out how to "live a diminished life". He prayed to the Lord to take him and just let this end. It was painful to say the least to hear this from him but the conversations that he and I had about this were such a gift. I was able to move to the point of listening to him instead of being his cheerleader and with this shift he shared pieces of himself with me that I will always treasure. As our dialouge developed, I assured him that the money he spent on my MSW was paying off! He felt heard, and I was his listener.

As I was preparing to return to Puerto Rico and the Ohana crew, I contacted Fr. Ken who is the pastor at St. Scho's. He had visited Dad in the hospital and knew of his sickness and stuggle. We spoke for awhile and he validated the conversations I had been having with Dad as being helpful to him. Fr. Ken came to meet with Dad just before I left. He was able to combine the spiritual and the medical aspects of Dad's condition. As a parting gift he gave Dad a new prayer. Instead of "Lord, take me away"....it became "Into your hands O Lord, I give up my life". More of a trusting prayer than a requesting one. He led us, Mom, Dad and me, in a pray service which focused on trusting in God's choices. We all received communion and I cried throughout the entire service. It was such a relief to me that this man was a part of my parents lives. He was so caring and thoughtful, intelligent and understanding. It was awesome. Fr. Ken will continue to meet with Dad on a weekly basis and will meet with my siblings as needed.

As the snow falls heavily in Pittsburgh and the temperature in the Dominican Republic reaches 80, I am very confused about where I belong. Mom has told me since June 27, 1992 that my place is with Peter and our family, however, I am finding it hard to synch that with my life right now. My siblings in Pittsburgh are doing an amazing job. It is just difficult to not be hands on and in the immediate mix. I am aware that there is nothing that I can "do" for Dad at this point, I think it is just the selfishness of wanting more time with him.

So as I ramble on, I want to ask all of you the pray for my mom and dad. Pray that they may find a peaceful space in all of this chaos and pain. Pray that Dad finds hope and a will to live. Pray for their amazing cargiver, Frances, who is more of a blessing to our family than she will ever know.

Love and Peace,
Eliza